Song of the day: Silly by Deniece Williams
What’s the point?
Yes I said it. Although I’m optimistic (deep down) about love, romance, marriage and kids, there’s a part of me that wonders, ‘What’s the Point’? I mean as a young girl I went through life believing there was the ‘special’ man out there who would see me beyond my faults. He would know just from being around me that I was someone he had to have in his life and then he’d propose and we’d build that life together.
Sure, every relationship whether love or platonic, has it’s ups and downs. It has it’s trials and tribs, storms and sunshine, fire and ice. But the LOVE factor, would get us through the bad times and amplify the good times.
Instead, I see men and women not communicating, splitting finances, harboring secrets that could destroy their union, cheaters, liars, babies daddies who feel content to populate the Earth and women who are so busy gold digging that men fail to see the ‘RUBY’ within them.
In fact the whole dating process is like walking on hot coals, filled with adrenaline, insecurity and blisters from another TORCHED experience. Men don’t WOO women anymore, at least the ones I’ve met and have heard about. They don’t pursue because women are too busy taking on the role of the man. You got through the whole icebreaking event just to find out (rather quickly) it was all a lie and now you have to ‘start over’ just to get the same experience you had before.
And wait….If there is a decent marriage then there are problems with the children because both parents are working hard to barely make ends meet. I mean I could go on and on. And over the years I’ve seen my friends (married and dating), with and without kids striving to ‘make it work’. And in the end, it’s breakup city, tears of pain, nights of tortured regret, stifling hurt and excruciating unrequited love.
I know there are some rainbows; some beautiful rays of sunshine and back in the day, THAT alone made it WORTH the process. But now, at 35, single, never married, never had a long term relationship beyond 5 months and no kids, I have to wonder ‘What’s the Point’. I’m sure I’ve said or done some things out of hurt and pain that probably helped in my current status, but you know; it took years of all of the above before I got jaded and prompted elements of that ‘sabotage9 factor.
So as I said, deep down, I’m still hopeful and optimistic. I’m preparing myself to be a better woman and mate, because I do believe my MAN is on his way. But that ‘hopeful’ me is now battling with the ‘What’s the Point’. Me.
-AWOVOSL (a-vo-wah-sol)
(a woman on the verge of self love)
Confession #4 – Sometimes I fear I’ll end up alone.
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